LovePalz – For Couples on the Go, proceed with caution.

 

http://www.lovepalz.com/

http://www.lovepalz.com/

Long-distance couples, fear no more. The answer to your cybersex/sexting/phone sex nightmares are here, and it’s called “LovePalz”. Marketed as the world’s first internet sex toy – a debatable statement – LovePalz comes in male and female parts so that customers can virtually have sex with one another, even when not in the same location. Think of a you-move-I-move type situation, where the silicone readjusts electronically as each partner adjusts.

If you can get past the idea of wires and motors just centimeters from your junk, you’re a credit card payment away from enjoying almost intimacy time. And at $189 a pop – that’s $378 for the pair – it seems like an expensive way to still not have sex.

For men it’s through Zeus, the father of god and men, and for women it’s Hera, the goddess of women and marriage. Let’s jump straight past the fact that Hera was Zeus’s wife/sister, and focus on the more pressing issue: LovePalz gave Zeus a vagina. That’s right, the portion for men, which simulates a vagina, is named Zeus, and vice versa. Not only does Hera now have a penis, but women are supposed to symbolically have heterosexual intercourse with her.

How hard could it have been to flip the names? Worst-case scenario: confused couples could ship one another their mixed up packages.

Screen shot 2013-03-14 at 11.32.54 AMBut the most disturbing part of all just may be the fact that they let a kindergartener write their web content – subject matter that’s clearly inappropriate for a 5 year old. “Actually, we are actually waiting for the best time to launch it so that we can shake the world in no time.” (No, this doesn’t make sense in context, either.) “Normally when you look at the sex toys, the size wouldn’t be that various … the material is very flexible, just like the real human part, it goes bigger when you are bigger. Besides, our airbag will help to tight it up.” If you can translate, let us know.

Whether you’re an adult who can read or one who understands common sense, you’ve got at least one trait up on LovePalz. Proceed with caution, folks. This seems too bad to be true.

Source: LovePalz

[cb type=”company”]LovePalz[/cb]

 

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  • Crazy8

    If you have an extremely small penis, this product is for you. I receive Zeus and there is no way anybody with an average penis would be able to use this. Buyer beware! Don’t waste your money until they offer a line of sizes.

  • Salaena

    This product does NOT WORK!!
    Customer support is not existing, software not working and not way to connect!!
    Then even if it does not work (product fault) u never get the money back!!
    Stay away!!!!

  • Camilla Johnson

    Salaena is tough, but right. My partner lives in Australia – I live in Sweden. We bought the items before Christmas and they did not work. So I frustrated my partner as my Christmas gift did not work and we could not play with each other. What a shame to Lovepalz. While the idea is brilliant, execution lacks everywhere and they have not found a solution yet. I have heard from frieda that the same thing happened to them and lovepalz does not refund their products, which don’t work. Apparently people will take legal action against this company … so be careful spending money now – you never get it back

  • Mike

    The company is from Taiwan, and their site was written by someone who’s clearly ESL. Call them out for other things if you want, but it’s really lame to diss on them for the site’s copy sucking.

    • Nat

      They’re a professional company. If it were an american product and they had a site for Taiwan, I’d expect it to still make sense and be grammatically correct. That’s just something that comes with business and professionalism, especially when using a universal business language.